Is not making eye contact rude?

Like with most things eye contact related, the answer is: it depends.

It depends on…

Where you are.

Eye contact cues change based on culture

For the purposes of this article we’ll be focusing on eye contact in the English speaking world.

Who you are talking to

Is the person your boss? Your friend? A stranger?

Before we get into details, lets get clear on what we mean by rude…

Google defines it as “Offensively impolite or ill-mannered”

With this definition in our back pocket, let’s look at some situations where not making eye contact might be perceived as offensive, impolite or just plain bad manners.

A job interview.

If a potential employer is speaking to you, meet their gaze. If you are speaking to them, look them in the eye. Not only is this a generally accepted social rule for this type of situation, but it might also give you a better chance at getting the job because eye contact makes you seem more likeable and trustworthy.

A date

If you aren’t making eye contact here then your date might think a few things:

“He or she is not into me”

“He or she is not confident”

What’s more, some research shows ….something about attraction…

And now lets look at some situations with a bit more wiggle room.

Speaking to friends

Most friends will expect eye contact but it varies depending on the individual. The best way to figure out how much eye contact to make with your friends is to observe what everyone else is doing. Take note if the person’s eyes never leave your own, or if they spend most of their time looking elsewhere.

That being said, the ideal for many people is to be able to make natural, authentic and enjoyable eye contact with their friends and family above all. Just as in dating, eye contact fosters positive emotions and intimacy between people.

Remember that situations also play a big role too. With many people driving side by side in a car or sitting on a bench facing a beautiful view might make them more inclined to give less eye contact. Other activities where eye contact is reduced include cooking, watching television, and generally active things where the attention is split between what is being done and the conversation that is happening.

Speaking to strangers

Speaking to strangers follows mainly the same rules as friends. Its best to observe what the other is doing and follow suit as a general rule. As you grow confident in your ability to make eye contact, it can be a good idea to initiate more eye contact than your partner is making depending on how you feel and what you’re looking to give or get out of the conversation.