Stop Overthinking It

There is one problem common to all people who struggle to make eye contact.

They think too much.

Its likely that their body and their eyes know exactly how to make perfect eye contact and yet the presence of thoughts interrupts their natural behaviour.

These are often thoughts like: Am I doing it right?

Am I looking too much?

Am I not looking enough?

Why did she just do that with her eyes?

Why did she just look away?

The Vicious Circle of Thoughts

These thoughts are enough to create unnatural eye contact.

The unnatural eye contact creates undesirable reactions in people being spoken to.

The undesirable reactions diminish confidence in the ability to make eye contact.

Diminished confidence leads to poor eye contact performance.

Poor eye contact performance leads to more negative thoughts about eye contact.

Repeat.

Drop the thoughts

The first step to getting better at eye contact is to realize that thinking endlessly about the problem is not helping. Thinking about eye contact while you are making it should be avoided as much as possible.

Obviously, this is like not picturing a pink elephant. As soon as you say not to do something, its presence in your mind might make you more likely to do it.

So how do we get around our minds?

Distraction and Immersion

Think back to a time when you were confidently making eye contact. If you can't imagine a time, then just think to a time when you were confidently doing anything.

What was this experience like?

Chances are it was one of complete immersion in what was happening in the present moment.

The more you give to the conversation at hand, the more you concentrate on the other person, the more you connect with what you are saying, the feeling behind it, and your intention in saying it, the more natural eye contact will be.

The brain can only process so much at one time, and if you manage to commit fully to the conversation, then there should be no room left over for doubts about eye contact.

Sometimes it might be necessary to go outside of eye contact to learn to quiet the mind and focus. Meditation practices can help and there are many resources online for learning how to meditate.

The Easy Eye Contact course is another simple way to retrain your brain to be fully immersed in the joy of making eye contact in a natural way.